As my first post of the new year (and decade), I thought that I would start things off with a bit of humor. Now, before you read this, understand that I really don't believe in "respect for the dead", as the dead are no longer here to witness the mockery (you may notice that some people on this list are not dead, but rather, should be). I will try to update this list as much as I can.

Let it be known that this is the first copy of this list to be released to the public. Please enjoy. :]

OBITUARIES 2009

Jared, the spokesperson of Subway is sent to prison for "Driving while Footlonged", as he was seen swerving in and out of lanes while searching the back seat for a footlong Subway sandwich. Coincidentally, Jared chokes to death on a "Five Dollar Footlong" while in jail.

Michael Jackson dies of a heart attack after being renamed as "King of Pedophilia".

As a result of Michael Jackson's renaming, Billy Mays is renamed as "King of Oximorons". He too dies of a heart attack upon hearing the news.

Patrick Swayze's head explodes after attempting to sing a double-octave high A sharp.

John Updike is murdered by his own made up character "Rabbit". Rabbit was never caught, as he does not exist.

Bill Gates dies from a "fatal error" of the brain (reports concluded that Mr. Gates saw the Blue Screen of Death before his final shut down).

NEXT IN LINE:

Bob Saget
Joan Rivers
William Shatner
Shelley Duvall

Also, please note that the "next in line" is no threat to the celebrities posted, rather an educated guess.

DOG-